Transition Tasks

As parents/guardians of a student going off to college, you are struggling with feelings of being left behind. Meanwhile, your student is also struggling with the conflicting feelings of wanting to stay and wanting to leave. The process of letting go as a parent begins in the first years of your student's life. Your student will go forth with confidence, but also will want to retreat in times of fear and struggle. They will want your assistance when they want it. The trick is to find the middle ground, where you can be helpful, yet let them solve their own issues. The purpose of this information is to assist you to ease into this transition and to aid you to expect the unexpected. This information applies whether your student is in the Corps of Cadets or is a traditional civilian student.

• Trust your student in his or her own decision-making.
• Tolerate uncertainty and change.
• Be willing to understand how to respond to frantic phone calls from a desperate freshman. For example, when your student calls you, upset about her/his roommate from hell, the parent should say, "That sounds like a difficult issue. What are you going to do about it?"
• Do not do anything for your student that he or she can do for him or herself.
• Come to terms with your student's strengths and limitations.
• College years are stressful; expect real ups and downs.
• Discuss academic expectations ahead of time. Ask your student to set his/her own academic goals.
• Don't make major changes at home without informing your student. Home may represent stability for them, and any major changes can greatly affect them.
• Make a financial plan and discuss any expectations with your student.
• Acknowledge you are also in transition and moving into a new chapter/phase of your life. You are facing parallel issues to those of your student: identity, independence and intimacy.
• Your student owns his or her college experience and its outcomes.
• Allow your student to pursue goals and dreams that might be different from what you had in mind in order to become successfully independent.
• Learn to let go. Letting go doesn't mean not being involved. It means trusting your student to make thoughtful decisions. It means caring, active listening, ongoing communication, giving appropriate feedback, clarifying, and supporting. Allow your student to move into independent adulthood.
• Keep letters and packages from home frequent and positive.
• Freshmen and sophomores are not allowed to have vehicles on campus unless given special permission from the Dean of Students Office. Contact Dean Martha Mathis at 802.485.2640 for assistance.
• NU has worked hard to establish health and safety standards for on-campus housing. Those guidelines are available online at www.norwich.edu/policy. Parents/guardians, we ask that you review this information with your student and stress to them the importance of taking responsibility for their safety, as well as that of their community members.
• If you take your student to school, don't expect to spend a lot of time together. Orientation is designed to facilitate separation. During orientation, take advantage of the sessions specifically designed for parents/guardians. They will give you a chance to get better acquainted with the services offered for your student, to ask questions, and to meet other parents/guardians.

Adapted from Division of Student Affairs: Northeastern University and Letting Go: A Parents' Guide to Understanding the College Years by Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger