Marriage in the Military:

Support groups help ease the pains of service for families

Editor's Note: This is the second of a two-part series on the challenges of marriage in the military.

By Kylee Dalmata
Norwich Guidon Staff Writer

Twelve years and counting, and MSG Max McIntyre still claims he loves every moment of his marriage. As a member of the Army Special Forces, balancing work with three children and a wife while on deployment proved his devotion to his family.

"I love my wife very much, and I wouldn't change a day of my marriage, but it was work," said McIntyre, a Military Science Instructor at Norwich.

McIntyre said that doing his job was easier in part because he knew his family was there for him when he returned. Making sure that they were taken care of was an important factor in staying focused.

Military marriages require constant attention and devotion. When service members are deployed, it makes it very difficult for them to take care of their families at all times.

According to McIntyre, the United States military helps its personnel deal with the difficulties they face by providing for service members' families when their loved one can't be there to do it themselves.

These programs fall under the office of Army Community Service (ACS).

According to one ACS website, "the ACS is the commander's primary resource agency for developing, coordinating, and delivering soldier and family social support services that contribute to overall morale and welfare of the residents of the military community. ACS develops and implements [an] education and prevention program that enhances the quality of life and supports an installation volunteer." (http://home.mannheim.army.mil/dca/army_community_service.htm )

One of the programs run by the ACS is responsible for Family Readiness Groups (FRG).

According to the ACS website at Fort Bragg, "the official definition of a Family Readiness Group is, 'an organization of family members, volunteers, and soldiers belonging to a unit that together provide an avenue of mutual support, assistance and a network of communication among the family members, the chain of command, and community resources." (http://www.bragg.army.mil/FSG/fsg.htm)

When an individual becomes a member of the military community, they are made a member of their local Readiness Group. Whenever they need support, the Group is there for them, according to the website.

The basic principle of the Readiness Groups is to provide friends, and understanding neighbors for those who need it when trouble arises. The Groups are also a place to get to know the community, and many create functions to help unify their members, according to the website.

The Marine Corps' Family Readiness Committees accomplish the same goals within the Corps, according to the Marine Corps Homepage. (www.usmc.mil )

According to the Army Family Readiness Manual, the goal of these organizations is to help families gain knowledge, learn about the military lifestyle, get moral support, and reduce stress.

According to the manual, soldiers do not need to join the organization. Membership is granted automatically to service members whenever they enter a new community.

"The role you play in your Family Readiness Group is your choice," according to the website. "You are welcome to participate as much as you would like to, or are able to."

The Manual states that everyone is equal in the groups. There is no rank. The concept was to unite officers and enlisted "under one banner" in order to offer the most to everyone.

The program was not however, designed to be a surrogate parent, provide loans, taxi services, or notify individuals of casualties. The manual states that the goal is simply to provide what support that can be provided.

"It's very important to have, and use the support groups, because when you need it, it's there for you," said Allamae Dewey, the wife of an Army Green beret.

Many young couples think they can get by without looking to these groups for help when there is no crisis, thinking they may be given false ideas, according to McIntyre.

"Some men in the Army keep their wives away from other Army wives, and that is so wrong," McIntyre said. "It's the worst thing they could do. The Family Readiness Groups don't seem like a big deal until someone dies. Then the groups get the wives, and family members to know each other, and lets them understand how to help in time of crisis."

The military is a very tight family, and has been for a long time, according to McIntyre. It is an integral part of life.

"Military instillations are fantastic," McIntyre said. "The Quarters and accommodations aren't the greatest. But I know that if I'm deployed my neighbors are keeping an eye on my wife and kids. When they are gone, I watch theirs. It makes a very secure location to live in."

It is that security that is needed to keep soldiers overseas confident that their families are safe. Which in turn allows them to do their job and return home knowing that things can work, and there is support out there for them, according to the internet.

Keeping the soldier's mind on their mission is the goal of the military, but distractions at home can ruin that concentration, according to McIntyre.

"Many soldiers will give up a duty station if there are problems at home." McIntyre said. "It basically means they will have to get out of the military, but family is more important."

The military has realized the importance of the family, and is trying to accommodate their frustrations.

"Our way of life can often place strain on families," said the USMC Commandant in the Planning Guidance publication for Family Readiness Committees. "When they suffer, our readiness is adversely affected."

It is in the military's best interest to keep their married soldiers happily married.

According to McIntyre, it has become the task of the military, as individuals, to help whenever possible, so when help is needed someone will be there to give it.

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